The Fight of My Life 

 It's been one of those months. Those months we all want to throw up our arms and scream. We want to yell at people because we are so frustrated. We want to curl up and just cry ourselves to sleep that way we don't have to think anymore. Where we don't care what we look like because our appearance matches our feelings.  Just one of those months where you sit in your room crying and you do not know where to turn. And in these moments we think all the pain we are going through is not worth the end result. It's not worth feeling as if your heart is ripping from your chest. It's not worth trusting God.
       But through all of this, time and time again, Heavenly Father has shown me that He does know best. It's very hard to be Mormon. It's hard to live by the standards, to show respect for others that treat you horribly based on religion, to keep holding out for the promises of a better eternity, to give control over to our Heavenly Father. Sometimes it's just too hard. I want to say forget it and run out and dye my hair pink, get a nose piercing, and a tattoo of a cat. I want to drop everything and make the pain stop. But what would that make me? I think that the pain can go away by focusing on something else, by forgetting the rules and being a rebel. By moving on and saying you don't care anymore.
      Here's the thing with that. We are just cowards. We want the easy way out. We want to be able to feel comfortable and think the decisions we are making are the right ones. When things get too tough for our hearts to manage we will find any excuse to run and hide until the pain stops. We give up. And that is not what God has called us to do. He has told us that we need to trust Him, above all. We have to trust Him if we want to get anywhere. Heavenly Father never said life would be easy and sometimes he pushes what we believe are our breaking points. But He knows better. Come to find out, they aren't. We are a lot stronger than we think. And He has commanded us not to give up. The only time we fail is when we give up. When we stop fighting for Him. When we stop fighting to see Him again. When we forget the purpose of our life here on earth- to gain experiences and knowledge that will lead us back to Him. When we stop fighting for a better eternity is when we fail.
     Fighting for Heavenly Father and those promises made to us at baptism are the hardest thing we endure. But, on the other side, it's worth more than we can possibly understand.