Jeremiah 29:11

The verse reads, "I know the plans I have for you."
I think I have read that same verse and same sentence time and time again. Over and over. And still it never truly sunk in until now. Think about it, God knows our plans for our lives. He knows everything we will go through, every path we will choose to take, every emotion we will encounter along that way. He knows everything. I can't even begin to describe how weird that is to me. I love God more than anyone and anything but that is weird. Sometimes I think how can He? There are so many people in this world, how can He know my life? He must be one organized person..

But just like He loves me specifically, He knows everything about me. He just knows. And on one side, the impatient side, wants to know the things in my life that I will encounter. I want to know who I will marry, if I will have kids, what my life career will be. I just want to know so much! And that's what makes it hard to take action on very risky situations, the not knowing part. I am the person that reads the end of the book first and skips ahead in Netflix shows to see how things turn out. But, the other side of me has a very comforting feel in knowing that Heavenly Father knows what I will be doing and going through and will be there for me when I need it.

It's weird to think that my whole life is already planned out. That no matter what path I choose to take, the long or short way, that it will all mean something in the end. That by trusting in God and following His plan for me, I will be okay. But it is His plan, not mine. When Heavenly Father says jump, I jump. And while some people may think that's being "brain washed" or "not living for myself," I have learned that by not listening to the Holy Ghost and God, the route is that much longer and that more painful. "I know the plans I have for you." And those plans will include so much joy, so much life, and so much love. But, I have to trust in the fact that He knows better than I do. I have to have faith. Because if I don't I will loose my purpose.

My purpose is to trust in my God. Is to show people the love of Christ through my actions. Is to make this world a more joyful place. That is my God's plan for me.

Self-worth 

I need people to like me. I have to feel accepted by any social group. And when even a person I don't like doesn't like me, I still feel as if there is something wrong with me. Yes I know not everyone is going to like me, but that doesn't seem to register in my brain when the situation arises. I question weather or not I need to change in some way, how I can make them like me, or even blame myself for everything that has gone wrong. I base my self-worth on if someone likes me or not. And that has never changed. There even comes a point where I value a person's view of me over Heavenly Father's. And because of those opinions I begin to think I have to change what I want in life to fix what they think is best.
     Because I feel this way, life becomes so much more difficult for me. But what about Heavenly Father's opinion of me? What would He think? And what would I do if He came down right now and told me exactly how He felt? Do I even value God's opinion more than others? All of this is "easier said than done" though. It's not easy to let go how someone feels about you. It's not easy to feel vulnerable. Or to not feel enough.. 
    You are enough for Him. You are enough for Him to send His son to die for you. You are enough for Him to trust in you with your challenges. You are enough for Him to give you blessings in your life. You are enough for Him to give you His words through scriptures. You are enough for someone out there to love you. You are enough for Him. 
   I know that I am more than what a person thinks of me. I am special. I have gifts that are unique to me and my life. And I can't let what others think of me let me forget that. I can't let people make me question who I am or who I want to be. I need to remember that Heavenly Father's opinion is the only one that truly matters. I need to value Him over everyone and everything. He is the one that truly can make me joyful in my life and the life that is going to come. I am so blessed to have that knowledge. To know that I am enough for someone and someone that is so meaningful in my life. 

I am enough for God, therefore I am enough for you. 

The Clock Strikes Midnight 

Ever thought about how crazy it is that it's already 2015? 
15 years ago I was 6 years old. I played with hot wheels and barbies and only being afraid of what might be under my bed (not saying that I'm still not afraid of that). At 6 years old I never thought my life would be what it is today. And as the clock begins to read January 1st, 2015, we all begin to reflect on what we have gone through in the last year. 
But, as my new year hit, it was not what I had expected. Bear with me here, I'm about to have a "Dear Diary" moment. These past few months my life has been anything but what I want it to be. As a girl we all go through the breakups and heartaches and then makeups and new flings, but as the moments pass we forget the pain- we forget how hard it can be on our hearts to let ourselves be vulnerable. We forget how hard it is to trust in our Heavenly Father. 
And that is exactly how I feel. There are few people that really know the "me," or what I have gone through and are going through today. These feelings of just, unloved and unwanted or not cared about by families, it's a feeling that no one should ever have to go through. That's exactly how I feel at this moment. All night long I have been in tears, thinking to myself, "Why is this happening, God? What was the point in even meeting this man? Why should I marry a man whose family does not even care if I am apart of their lives? How can I marry into that? I can't!" 
And while feeling sorry for myself, I was scrolling through Instagram. On my news feed is a little 18 month year old girl named Kylie. Kylie is suffering from cancer. And it hit me, I'm over here complaining about meaningless things in the long scheme of things while this 18 month old is battling something that I couldn't even think I could handle- and she's winning. There was a woman in my church who said once, "I would rather have my problems than someone else's." 
There is always going to be someone out there who is having to trust in The Lord much more than I am. Someone out there that would much rather be going through my struggles than their own. And I am so blessed to know of that. To know that I am starting the new year healthy, with a family that loves me, with two great jobs, and such loving friends that support the heck out of me. 
There are so many blessings when everything seems to be falling apart around me. There are so many things that can make the situation much worse. So many things that Heavenly Father has blessed me with. And I'm so grateful to feel that love. 

I wish everyone a blissful 2015 and that we will remember those blessings when we think everything is going wrong.